Update...

So I've decided that since I never really told a lot of people about my blog I'm probably pretty safe on here. I have a stat counter that shows me where people are looking at the blog from, and at this point, no one has, outside of the Indy area and a few outside of the state are reading/checking on the blog (people I know who follow this blog). I think I'm safe for now, I'll need some help on the preferences thing K, to change it so that people cannot search and find me, but other than that, I think I'm safe.

I need an outlet and this will be a small part of my outlet. I'll be careful what I say because I know that it can be used against me in court since it is in writing....but here is where I'll share my thoughts...I accept thoughts back, just know that I will follow what I feel the Lord telling me to do, not necessarily what you tell me to do. I have to do what I feel in my heart/mind is right in the Lord's eyes for my life, and that may not always jell with what you think. I respect each one of you and your opinions and look forward to hearing your thoughts/opinions on different things I post.

Please continue to pray for me to do and say what I should when I should with my wife. I've done OK so far, and know that the Lord has been with me each time. I would love to say that we're going to get back together, but at this time, I'm not sure what will happen. I know the Lord does, and I'm just going to have let Him take this one...He knows what needs to happen. I'm praying that He prompt me in the directions I should go. I'm considering finding a good lawyer, and believe I have someone in mind, but if you know of someone let me know. I want to be sure my boys are safe and secure for the rest of their lives.

My appetite is starting to get better, I think! :) Today I ate a Tenderloin, all but 1 SMALL bite, and didn't feel sick!! I'm doing better during the day with my moods, at least I think I am, and nights are getting better. I am starting to sleep a little better. The Lord is showing me more and more that this anxiety is stuff that I need to "let go and let God" on! I'm working on it, but it's a lot easier said than done.

Thanks for the prayers and support! I know that this has been a REALLY long blog...thanks for reading it all. :)

Blessings,
Mark

Name change...

You might notice I changed the title to the page...I am not sure if it will help, but I wanted to change it so that perhaps others who I don't want to find this will not find it. Any ideas on good tracking system to see who is reading this?

Thanks,
Mark

OK....

So the last 2 days have been some of the worst 2 days since my wife and I split. I hate seeing my 4 year old get upset because he is going to see mommy...he doesn't want to go, and yet I tell him "you're gonna have lots of fun with mommy! You get to see mommy and spend the night at the house." He says "but daddy, I want to stay here with you and mema and papaw." It just breaks my heart. I reassure him that we'll be here when he gets back and he will have fun with mommy, but he still resists for a while. He gets in the truck with mommy and turns on his brave face, I see it, I'm not sure that my wife does, but I do. Pray for him, and also please pray for my appetite to return...I know that the Lord is with me on this. In HIS timing...not mine.

Thanks,
Mark

Prayer...

So my last post was about a roller coaster...well I think it is about to fall off the tracks and there is nothing I can do to save it but pray....so please pray with me. 

Thanks, 

Mark

Roller Coaster

I hate roller coasters. I hate not having control, which is why I hate them. I also don't think it is natural to have your feet go over your head and your body flying through the air like that, but still I've riden a few just to see what they're all about.

I liken my wife and I's relationship to a roller coaster in a slightly different way though...more of a peak/valley kind of way. Right now, I feel like I'm on this roller coaster and I'm upside down in the valley of the roller coaster. I know that the Lord is with me, and that He will see us through this, but at the same time I'm in panic city because I don't like being upside down and that close to the ground and not in control. Right now, control is in my wife's and God's hands. My wife's because she can choose to love me and forgive me for not being there when I should have been, or not. God's because I've given it over to him, I keep trying to take it back, but I'm trying to keep it in His hands because I know that in His hands it is the safest.

I love my wife with all my heart, and I don't want to loose her. I know that we will make it through because we have God on our side. I am praying that the Lord continue to mold me into being a Godly husband. Please continue to pray. Thanks.

Mark

Alrighty then...

So I posted yesterday about a personal matter. Today I post to say, I'm succeeding in my endeavor to lessen my work load at church. Last night I went online and downloaded/installed ProPresenter. This program ROCKS! It is going to make my life MUCH easier in the end, and I am looking forward to showing one of my SLT members how to use it, so that she can prepare and run it for worship. :)



I have also decided that the SLT (Student Leadership Team) will be taking on the task of deciding what needs to be talked about each month at their meetings. I will give them SOME materials to talk about, but they will come up with the rest. They will run the meeting, I'm going to try to take a back seat and just be an advisor.



Please continue to pray, but know that the Lord is with us, and continues to show his love and mercy to us daily. Thanks!

Blessings,
Mark

Back in the Saddle again...

Praise the Lord for the good things He has done. And Praise the Lord for having my boss back! :) I know her return has been bitter sweet for her since she has to leave her BEAUTIFUL little boy at home, but I know I am glad she is back. My stress level has reduced. :)

On a VERY Personal note, please pray for me and my family. I have allowed my work at school and church to take control over my life far too often and I need to work to not work at home so often. No we are not that bad off, but this is a warning sign for all involved in ministry, including myself. Remember what the Lord has given you, and take care of your wife and family 1st. He will take care of the rest (others) and you will have time to do that when it is in HIS time. I have been taking care of my family, but not speaking the correct Love Language for a while. I need to be sure that I re-learn to speak the Love Languange of my wife, I knew it once and I know it still. I just need to be sure to speak it out loud and take time to do so. I have taken for granted too long that she will be there and I need to be sure to protect our relationship from further damage and repair what has been damaged from past hurts. Time will heal our relationship, and I know that the Lord will be there with us helping each of us heal.

Thank you for your prayers.
Blessings,
Mark